#Reverb10 - Friendship

Prompt for Today:
Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was the change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I'm kind of torn how to answer this prompt. I have really godly, amazing, beautiful girlfriends who have gone above and beyond in my book, who deserve blog posts all their own. And I love them. I really really do. But sometimes, the lack of a friendship changes everything, in both positive and negative ways. Those who are close to me know the specific ways in which I have been affected by this. There are things that I'm not going to mention publicly, but working through a lot of issues of this nature has taught me a lot.

In some way, you never really get over the loss of a friend. I'm not referring to a physical death, but the end of the relationship. And it's changed my perspective by making me realize that the Lord is a constant companion and friend who never leaves or forsakes. This year has taught me to have joy in pain, peace in all circumstances. I learned to rest my heart in the promises of the gospel. I'm not going to say that I'm angry or that I'm hateful or bitter - I'm none of those things. I see that the Lord has everything in my life for good. Sometimes, it's just time to walk away, never look back, and trust that God has the future perfectly planned.

The change in loosing a friend is both immediate and drawn out. In some ways, it's like dealing with an actual physical death. There is separation, there is a sense of loss. You grieve. But there are things that linger, things that take time to pass. Most of this process is about waiting it out. You ride the waves of emotion until the storm passes. You pray for strength in days that you don't feel like leaving the comfort of your bed. You rejoice in the littlest of blessings that come your way. Every day has its own trials, unique and new.

I'm not going to say that I don't think about the situation from time to time or wish that it had gone differently. But it is what it is. I can't change the past, I can't keep playing the "what-if" game. To be honest, I think the Lord was gracious and kind to me in allowing this friendship to dissolve. The Lord shows his kindness through means that sometimes aren't "obvious" as you're going through them. When I look back on what has transpired, I feel gratitude that I'm not in that situation anymore, feeling the way that I did. Now, I mean in no way to put down the individual of whom I speak, as that person was (and is, in some way) a huge part of my life. But the time had come, as much as I resisted it. I hold no ill will at all. Actually, I want their life to be bigger, better, brighter, more full of blessings. I want them to be happy, really truly happy. For this person, I want only good things.

So yeah. Friendship changes things, in different sorts of ways. Sometimes, the most horrible and nightmare-ish circumstances work out the glory of God. It's funny how life works out. You'd think that at age 23, I'd have some sort of grip on it. I'm quickly finding out that my knowledge is incredibly limited. Somehow, that's a comforting thought.