Los Angeles is cold this weekend. Not just chilly. But
cold. It's the kind that
lingers even within the warmth of your apartment, it settles in the corners of your
day and follows you wherever you go.
It's the kind of cold that gets you to the bone.
Now, I grew up in Philadelphia. I know something about being cold. We grew up
expecting snow, ice, rain. Winter was part of the process, a part of our routine. Every
year, like clockwork, we'd bundle up with scarves and mittens. We'd put salt on our driveway
and anti-skid tires on our car. We'd even decorate the bleak winter snow with snowmen or
tunnels carved into big drifts. There was a way to make some sort of warmth
and happiness out of the cold.
But in Los Angeles, there is no joyful expectation of any sort of cold. We act surprised
when any incliment weather occurs, no matter the time of year or type of weather.
My theory is this: I'm so much colder in Los Angeles because it doesn't
feel right.
This city is
supposed to be warm and sunny, full of expectation and promise. My
reaction is based on expectation, or the lack thereof. And no matter where I go, I
can't seem to get warm. I can't shake this lingering and wrapping feeling of being cold,
inside and out. The chill follows me like a phantom, tracing my steps. And let me tell you,
this doesn't feel right.
The same feeling can be transferred to my feeling of expectation, about life in general.
When the things that I expect from myself, from my surroundings, change and modify
in ways that I don't necessarily like, it's sometimes hard to cope. When I don't get the
grade that I want or the relationship that I've worked for, how do I react? Often, I let
that disappointment follow me like the cold. It haunts me, follows me, lives in my back pocket.
Now, I'm not saying that all expectations are inherently bad. It's how I
react to disappointment
that needs to be altered.
I need to rest on the Lord's sovereignty in
all things.I have to expect that my plans and ambitions
will be thwarted. Staying my heart on things that will not change or shift (the Gospel) is the only way
to avoid disappointment. Christ promises his believers some amazing things: eternal bliss and communion
with himself and the Father, the Church as guide and comfort, other believers to run the race with us, and
the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives to confront our spirits and guide us. These promises of God
are the real expectations, the truth to set my heart on. It is through Jesus Christ alone that my soul is satisfied
and at rest. Nothing else satisfies like He does. And that is the greatest reward, better than any expectation
that I may have.
P.S. I'm computer-less for a week so please bear with me, as my posts may be a bit sporatic. My hard drive crashed and I lost everything - photos, music. Precious memories that I can't get back. Thanks for your patience and support!
