Quote Time

How frail the human heart must be - a mirrored pool of thought.

- Sylvia Plath

Literature is strewn with the wreckage of men who have minded beyond reason the opinions of others.

- Virginia Woolf

Ray of Sunshine

(even when it's snowy outside.)

Lately

I have insomnia.

I rarely have insomnia,

only when a lot is on my mind.

There is much on my mind.

So, to distract myself, I bake.

I baked over 6 dozen cookies.

And still, I can't think straight.

(ihatethis)

Cookbook Fantasies

Mmm... A lot of my Christmas break reading has been, surprisingly, through cookbooks. I already have two Bon Appetit ones that have been wonderful. So hopefully, I'll be able to make some amazing stuff. I already made chocolate sandwich cookies with peppermint buttercream, as well as Eggnog sugar cookies, complete with homemade icing.

These two cookbooks below are "on my list" to read and stuff like that. It's funny, the older I get, the more of a foodie I am. Just wait until I'm like 50! It'll be fantastic! Things in life come and go, but good food is for always.

Delish.

True True True

…O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.…

- W.H. Auden

Just To Say...

Finals are over and I am not sitting on my bed,

in Philadelphia. I'm probably not going to be updating

this for a little bit, just to give myself a little bit of a

break and to think over some stuff in my life.

The good thing about being home is that it

provides for some introspection and lets

me think inward and re-organize my life.

So adios blog-o-sphere.

I'll see you when I see you.

Midnight Yell

At UCLA, there is a tradition each and every quarter: midnight yell.

At the stroke of midnight, hundreds of college students, studying

for their finals scream collectively at the top of their lungs.

It's meant to release some tension and stress from all the

studying that's been going on this week.

Oddly enough, if you close your eyes and take in all of

the screams, it sounds a bit like a torture scene from

a horror movie. That oddly mirrors what studying for

finals is all about. And as a bonus, it's pretty

cathartic, given all the circumstances of life in

which I find myself.

When there's nothing else to do, screaming just

may be the answer. To all of my fellow Bruins,

study hard and good luck.

And Again...

This pretty much explains everything.

Dijon Beef with Veggies

So I decided to get a little bit experimental today.

I decided to create and make "Dijon Beef"

Sounds fancy? Nah, it's actually pretty easy and flavorful.

Best part? I didn't have a recipe. I made it up.

So now, I'll share it with you.

You'll need:

Half an onion, red or white - cut into strips

One pepper- cut into strips

Beef cut into strips (I bought it at Ralph's pre-cut)

1 bunch green onions

1/2 - 1 cup dijon mustard

Salt and pepper to taste

1 tablespoon olive oil

First, Put your beef strips in a bowl and add dijon mustard.

Add salt and pepper, depending on your preference.

Let it marinade in the fridge for a bit, I'd recommend

about an hour or so. Longer is better. I didn't let it sit

long enough.

Meanwhile, cut up your onion and your pepper.

Put the tablespoon of olive oil in a pan to coat the bottom.

Add your cut veggies, except the green onions.

Cook them until they're almost soft.

Then, add your beef. It should look something like this...

Then, add your beef mixture with the reserved green onions. Now is the time

to add extra salt and pepper, or dijon if you like the extra kick of flavor.

Cook until the beef is fully cooked, 5-10 minutes.

Then, serve and eat. Delish!

Hope you foodies enjoy! Hopefully, more culinary creations/things to come.

Yup

This is pretty much self-explanatory.

Finals Week

It's week 10/dead week here at UCLA.
Next week is finals! Yikes!

I've quite facebook and twitter until
they're all over. I know... such self
control! Well, I had a friend change
my passwords so I can't go on these
sites. Slick, huh? Eh, gotta find a plan
that works!

Well, I won't be on here much longer.
I'm studying for my Chaucer final tomorrow.
Wish me luck! Ack!

Thanksgiving

The holiday frenzy is upon us. At the present, it is the night of Thanksgiving Day. I'm home alone, after spending the day in Orange County with the McMillans. I am so thankful for their generous hospitality towards me! Wonderful food and company! In the spirit of the season, I'm going to list the top 10 things that I'm thankful for. Of course, I'm thankful for much more than ten, but this isn't the place to write my life story. So here I go...

I'm thankful for...

1. Jesus - my savior and my intercessor

2. my precious family - 60+ of them

3. the ability to obtain an education

4. Grace Community Church - where the truth is taught

5. the ability to come before the Lord in prayer

6. my civil rights as a woman to vote, etc.

7. GOC - my family and support system out here in LA

8. God's Word, the Bible

9. my physical (and mental!) health

10. the knowledge that my future is secure.

God is good to me, far more than I deserve.

I'm constantly and consistently in awe of the

way that He works in my life and heart.

Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe.

Music Monday

Okay. I feel compelled to share with you what I'm currently obsessed with. Sounds fair? Right. Well, I've been "rocking out" to some Appalachian music lately. So I thought I'd give you all a heads up on some of the most beautiful music (in my humble opinion) that I've heard in quite some time. It's soothing, it's deep, it's complicated, it's Americana in it's simplest form. Ugh, absolutely wonderful. I never thought I'd really like this genre, along with bluegrass/folk. But the truth is, I do! So BUY both of these albums and do your ears a favor!

Week 9

OMG. Home stretch. I have weeks 9 and 10,

then finals. Bahhh! It's gone by so fast! It just

seems impossible to get it all done, but by

the grace of God - I will! But seriously,

there's not much to write about. I'm just

plugging along, trying to be a good steward

and trying to get all of my work done.

In other, unrelated news, I'm really being

encouraged by Rick Holland's series about

being a Godly woman. It's awesome stuff and

it's stuff that I need to keep learning day by day.

Biblical femininity is a breath of fresh air.

I love it. Keep it comin!

Riots at UCLA

(sigh) Money. That's what this all comes down to. Money.

If you're an Angeleno, (a resident of LA, for all of you out-of-towners) you have heard of the riots/protests on the UCLA campus. These riots are concerned with the 32% student fee increases for next year's budget. Yup. 32%. That's roughly $2,500 more. Well, as a student at UCLA, I have had firsthand experience with all the rioting and protesting. And let me tell you, it is real and it is crazy. Students have been tazed, arrested. As we speak, students are barricading Campbell Hall. So... needless to say, it's been pretty darn exciting on campus these last few days. Helicopters have been flying non-stop overhead. Yikes. Check out some photos and a cool video clip.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-ucla-protests19-pictures,0,1019118.photogallery

Confession

On Sunday, one of the speakers at Crossroads was talking about the subject of confession. I have no idea who he is quoting or what this is from, but I thought it was important and poignant to share. Here is a "way" or an appropriate response for confession, wether it is sin against a person or against God (well - it's all sin against God, respectively)

1. address everyone involved

2. avoid "if" or "maybe"

3. admit specifics

4. acknowledge hurt

5. accept consequences

6. alter behavior

7. ask for forgiveness

Hmm. Food for thought? I should think so.

Braceface

Say hello to my new friends, at least for the next two years.

It's going to be... interesting... I mean, it already is!

Woo?

Meh

Proverbs 13:12

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

(sigh)

Midterms

Yes... that time has come upon all students at UCLA.

It's the time of the quarter that has everybody scrambling for

study sessions, extra tutoring, etc. It's midterms season on

campus. Cringing yet? I know that I was. Actually, I'm all

done with mine. I had one on Thursday of last week and

one today. Phew! They went better than expected. For my

first quarter at UCLA, I knew that I had quite a lot that was

expected of me. Fortunately, I was able to prepare to the

best of my ability. Now, I just have to worry about my

scores... Hah!

I'm longing for the rest and relaxation of Christmas break.

I just want to go home and sleep in, without worrying about

papers or tests! Only 4 -5 more weeks! Ahh!

U2

Yes... I saw U2 in concert last night...

It was AMAZING! What else can be

said? Well, the Black Eyed Peas opened

for them and as a special guest, they

brought out SLASH from Guns N' Roses

to sing "Sweet Child O'Mine". It was

epic. I'm still in a state of shock.

Pictures to come. I'm waiting until my

friends post them so that I can steal 'em.

Okay: NOW I'm taking a few day blogging hiatus

to focus on midterms. (gasp)

If I can focus... goodness...

Answers

2 Timothy 3:16-17

"All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

Hebrews 12:7-13

"It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?
For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble,and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."


What do these verses have in common? The theme of discipline. The Lord disciplines those that He loves. See, this verse really made sense to me today. I was talking to a dear friend and she (rightfully) rebuked me. I am so thankful for people like her, the body of Christ. The Lord uses that to grow and challenge me, all things that I need. The Lord really answered my prayer to "show me the sin that I can't see". Wow. I'm really in awe of how God works in my life to sanctify me. Praise Him!

Week 4

Wow. It's been quite a while. As the title of this post informs you, I am in the throes of my 4th week at UCLA. It's been a little over a month. (Whew)

Things are... well... moving. School is a little more manageable, I'm definitely coping a lot better than before. I'd like to think that I'm "adjusted" to the routine.

But here are some pretty important updates. The most pertinent of which is that I am going to be getting braces in a few short weeks. Yes. You heard/read correctly. I am getting braces. And they will look a little something like the picture below - clear/porcelain/whatever.

Other than that, I'm currently in the emotional upheaval also known as the Phillies Postseason. We're in an NLCS championship series verses the Dodgers (of all teams!) to determine who goes to the World Series in 2009. So far, it's looking pretty good for my boys. Wow. I really do love baseball, my hometown, and my team!

I'd love to stay and chat but I've been procrastinating for WAY too long. I'm off to read and read and READ!

Week One

Well, it's the end of week 1.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm

talking about - that means that it's the end of

week one out of ten weeks in the quarter.

Yes, I'm 10% done with my first quarter at

UCLA. Quick, huh?

This week has been a little chaotic,

I got a taste of what a full load will/does

look like. And let me tell you, it is a little

(or a lot) overwhelming (depending on the day).

At this point, I think that I can handle it. But I know for

sure that the Lord will sustain me. He already has.

So this week, as I was walking home from class, I saw a table

on Bruin-walk with signs and two guys sitting behind it.

The signs said "religion is for the weak". As I walked past,

I thought more and more about it. And you know what?

I totally agree.

Religion, specifically Christianity, is for the weak.

Weak of body, weak of mind, whatever. We are

depraved - the very essence of weakness. Christ

didn't come for perfection, he came for the broken.

And you know what? I'm perfectly content to be

weak. I'm happy because Christ's strength is

perfected in our weakness. He is glorified.

And that? That's enough for me.

Yom Kippur

Today is the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is also known as the "Day of Atonement", a day where annual forgiveness of sins is given via fasting and prayers. As many of you know, I am (partially) of Jewish heritage. And no, none of my family practices. By God's grace, a majority of them are saved.

This day has a lot of meaning for me. As a Christian, Yom Kippur has no hold. My atonement was paid when Christ died for my sins. My sins aren't forgiven once a year - they're forgiven for yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Like it says in Psalm 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

That gives me comfort. Christ - my sacrificial lamb - was offered as sin in my place. As a sinner, and as a Jew, that is truly amazing. I am not bound by an ancient, dead religion. My hope is alive and I live because of it.

First Day

Today was/is my first day as a UCLA student. And believe me, this wasn't my typical first day. This the day where almost everything went wrong. I'm not just talking stress - I mean fireworks. Well, let me recount to you the basic run-down of my day.

Wake up, shower/etc. Walk to class, seems easy enough. Right?
Well, I go to my first class, French 2. You see, I took French 1 at Santa Monica College. French 1 at SMC transfers to French 1 AND 2 at UCLA. Problem? I am re-taking French 2 because there is no way that I am ready for French 3 at UCLA. The instruction that I got at SMC was more like French 1 and 1/2. The problem?
I'd have to either
A. take French 2 for no units - headache
B. enroll in French 3 - no French 3 classes open
C. drop French entirely and add another class - almost impossible

I decided option A, after visiting the Counseling dept, the French dept, the English dept, and the financial aid office. I basically ran around campus all day figuring out if I'd be in big trouble for repeating. See, French 2 is necessary because I have to take French 3 - when I'm ready.
(sigh)

But, crisis is averted. My financial aid will not be revoked. I am okay. I'm just a little overwhelmed. How's that for a Bruin welcome?

But other than that, I really like my French TA. Her name is Katelyn and she's super nice and friendly. So, I think it'll all be fine. My art history class was cancelled - first day. So I'll have to wait until Tuesday to see what it's all about anyway. In about 50 mins, I will be attending my first ever English lit class at UCLA - Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. I'll be honest. Chaucer isn't my favorite author nor is the Canterbury Tales on my "must read" list. But, it's a requirement to graduate - so I'm taking it and I will like it, eventually. The consolation is that my professor is supposedly amazing. Phew.

Sorry this post is like one big diary entry but I just needed to get it all off my chest. As a whole, I LOVE UCLA and I'm really blessed that the Lord has placed me here. I know that I just need to work hard and be diligent. Praise God for bringing me this far, I know that He will carry me further.

The Final Stretch

Please forgive my absence this past weekend. I was in San Clemente with my Bible study, on our annual retreat. Did I go to the beach? No. Did I hang out outside and run around? No. Did I retreat? Yes. Did I love my time there? Absolutely.

This year's theme centered around the local church - how we fit in, why we do, what happens if we don't do our jobs, etc. It was refreshing to be re-introduced to this topic. We had 31 GOC-ers crammed into a house and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

At the present, I'm just organizing my room/school stuff. I'm pretty exhausted from the weekend, so I neglected going to the gym this morning. (womp womp) But in other exciting news, I bought myself a 5 cup coffeemaker with an auto-program option. THAT means that I can program it to make coffee and when I wake up, it'll magically be ready! That also indicates that I won't be buying coffee - therefore saving myself some serious cash.

But all of that is superfluous compared to the fact that I start classes on thursday. I'm anticipating work up to my ears on the first day. It's not that I'm lazy, I just like to know/have expectations for what lies ahead of me. So.... I have all of my books, all of my supplies, all of my pens/pencils/etc. I'm in the gate and ready to go.

Ready, get set...

Back in CA!

I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that's right, I'm finally back in Los Angeles. I don't think I need to tell all of you the excitement that I feel. I start classes next Thursday, I have GOC retreat coming up this weekend... It's looking good! Yesterday, I drove down to Costa Mesa and visited with my friend Tiffany and her lovely 7 week-old son, Asher. And let me tell you, he is a sweetheart. I think I'm in love!

Before retreat/school, I'm running all sorts of crazy errands here. There's quite a lot to get caught up on. One of those errands involves buying basic things, like toothpaste. Other errands are far more unusual, like registering the car in CA and setting up a primary care physician. (sigh)

As for today, I'm planning to buy my books, go to the gym, and make an epic Target run. I just need a ridiculous amount of stamina. Caffeine, here I come!

Summer 2009: The Video

That's right. I put my video-clip assembling skills to (some) good use and made a little video to commemorate my summer back in PA. It's a little rough, but kinda funny. I hope that you like it as much as I do! Enjoy!

Beatles Rock Band

Yup.

My brother bought Beatles Rock Band. As I'm writing this, my friends Kimmy and Melanie are rocking out with Johnny. Unfortunately for Kim, she doesn't have the particular "je ne sais quoi" that Paul McCartney does. Her vocals are... well... lacking.

Other than that, I'm enjoying my last days here. Everything is quiet, at least for now. John is having a big going away party tomorrow. He leaves Saturday morning. Sunday afternoon, my family is throwing a massive surprise anniversary party for my aunt and uncle. Then, I leave early Monday morning. So, the next few days are going to be pretty busy. That reminds me, I still have to pack and do laundry. (sigh)

I cannot express to you how STOKED I am to return to California. Ugh. I just want to dive headfirst into school and GOC and life!! Things look good, which is a first in a long long while. I'm just looking forward to being stable. I haven't been this solid in over a year - so I'm excited. I think that I'm just in a good place and ready to take on a full plate this quarter at UCLA. God is good, even through the tough stuff.

Sylvia Plath Quotations

Well, I (for once) am at a loss for words. There's really nothing new, or worthy of blog posting. I suppose that I could write about the mundane or the progress of the scarf that I'm knitting. But, I think that I'll save you the trouble and time. Today, I think that I'll post some quotations by one of my favorite authors/poets - Sylvia Plath. If you know anything about American poetry, you have some idea - to any degree - of who this woman was. Crazy? Yes. Poignant? Yes. Suicidal? Absolutely. But, I have to say, I appreciate the way she views human existence. She makes life seem so fragile, so full, and yet so empty. Deep thinker, that I can appreciate.

Now as a Christian, life is full because of Christ. It has limitless meaning and depth. But to Ms. Plath, it wasn't worth living. She ended up committing suicide. Tragic, no? Nevertheless, she remains one of my favorite feminine voices and authors. The point that I'm trying to make is this: I love her work. Little quips of hers are fantastic. I'm putting snippets in this post to whet your appetite. Enjoy.

"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."

"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited."

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."

Wrapping It Up

Well, I thought that I'd be getting into Los Angeles on Sunday morning. As it turns out, I was gravely mistaken. My flight actually comes in the morning after! Nooo!!! I'm a little bummed because I want to get back ASAP. I just want to get back into the swing of things, as far as school and GOC is concerned. I just miss everybody very very much.

But in other news, I'm just prepping my stuff to go back. And believe me, a whole summer accumulates a great deal of "stuff". (books, clothes, etc.) I have the feeling that I'll be lugging a whole lot of stuff home from the airport. (sigh)

I'm currently reading "Radical Womanhood" by Carolyn McCulley and "Night and Day" by Virginia Woolf simultaneously. Can we say "paradox"? I've been thinking of Biblical Woman's Studies. I wish there was a Christian University/College with a program like that. I think that it would be so beneficial to so many women (and men!). Maybe if the Lord allows me to get a PhD in literature and continue my education, I can design a program like that. Now, what would a program like that have? Hmm....

1. A Christ-centered focus

2. A realistic view of sin

3. An exhaustive history of American feminism

4. Female Biblical character examples

5. Study of a woman's Biblical expectations

6. Feminist literature matched with Christian literature

7. Overviews of movements, categories, cultural dynamics.

8. Study of Church government and structure

9. Global "feminism" and Feminine Culture.

10. Social consciousness (AIDS/Sex Trafficking/Rape awareness)

11. A lot of prayer.

Patience

It's time to check my bad attitude. I need to exercise patience and graciousness, specifically in the way that I interact with my parents. I need to be more respectful and loving, preferring them above myself. Am I doing that? No, not like I should. The Bible tells me that I need to be an obedient child - serving them and submitting to their authority. After all, they are fellow heirs and brethren in Christ. I need to see them the same way that I view all believers. What are some ways that I can be a better daughter/example? Given that I am predisposed to making lists, I thought I'd compile a short one right here to remind myself.

1. Pray - for self-control and patience

2. Hold my tongue when they say something that I don't like

3. Count to 10 before issuing said response

4. Increase my awareness to things that they need

5. Have a heart for compassion

6. Put aside my own selfish needs and wants in order to meet theirs

7. Remember that the Lord has infinitely more patience with me

8. Remember that I have nothing to boast in.

9. Remember that everything I have is a temporary gift.

10. My parents have been my biggest support - time to return the favor.

11. Apologize when I cross the line.

12. Pray for forgiveness from the Lord.

13. Construct ways to not have that response.

14. My annoyance = my sin.

MacBook Pro

Hello Hello Hello!

I am now the proud parent of a brand, spanking new MacBook Pro! I've wanted this type of laptop for quite some time and I am so so excited that I finally have it! This is going to be so convenient for school work, as well as all of my photo stuff.

Bonus: I got a free iPod touch too! So I've been loading it up with tons of free apps and music. Sounds pretty sweet to me!

All I have to do now is think of a name for it. Any suggestions?

Los Angeles is on FIRE

Well, as many as you well know, my beloved city is burning to the ground. Fortunately, not the part any of my friends or I inhabit. This also makes me glad that I'm in PA right now, enjoying the nice, clean, carcinogen-free air. Sheesh.

In other news, I changed my Facebook language to French. Why? Well, I'm taking French from now until I graduate so... it just makes sense... in a way... I don't know. It just makes me feel fancy. Okay?

Okay.

Fighting Against Lust

Written by John Piper.

This is seriously AMAZING and should be read by

everybody!

I have in mind men and women. For men it's obvious. The need for warfare against the bombardment of visual temptation to fixate on sexual images is urgent. For women it is less obvious, but just as great if we broaden the scope of temptation to food or figure or relational fantasies. When I say "lust" I mean the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct. So here is one set of strategies in the war against wrong desires. I put it in the form of an acronym, A N T H E M.
A - AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say "possible and reasonable" because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say "unfitting desire" because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. "Avoiding" is a Biblical strategy. "Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness" (2 Timothy 2:22). "Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" (Romans 13:14).
N - Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. "In the name of Jesus, NO!" You don't have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, "Be killing sin or it will be killing you." Strike fast and strike hard. "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" ( James 4:7).
T - TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying "no" will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts "deceitful desires" (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them "passions of your former ignorance" (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. "All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter" (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, "NO!"
H - HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. "Fix your eyes on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, "I tried to push it out, and it didn't work." I ask, "How long did you try?" How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don't let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ's sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.
E - ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don't say, "That's just not me." What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don't be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart - more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don't have: "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.
M - MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. "Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord" (Romans 12:11). "Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus' sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you "zealous for good deeds" (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.
Fighting at your side,
Pastor John

Returning Soldier

For those of you who know, my brother

is coming back home tomorrow. In about two

weeks, he deploys overseas and begins his first

tour of duty with the Marine Corps.

I'm really excited to see him, considering

that we haven't gotten the chance to hang out

a lot. I'm also really thankful that the Lord has

given me such an amazing family. They

seriously are amazing! So I'm anticipating

a really fun and relaxing time with everybody here.

But I'm preparing myself for some chaos.

Oh goodness.

California Dreamin'

Oh my gosh.

I just miss my beloved Los Angeles so so so much!

Currently, I'm in PA still, hanging with the family and

will be doing so for another 19 days. Don't get me wrong,

I love hanging with the family and spending time with them.

It's just getting to that time in the summer when I'm itching

to get back in the "saddle", as it were. Right now, there's not

a whole lot keeping me busy. I have, however, been reading like

a mad woman. I was reading three (count them, THREE) books at

one time but I finished one, so it's just down to two. Whew.

I'm currently reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde

and "Night and Day" by Virginia Woolf. After I finish these, I'm going

to blast through two theology/Christian books before I go back to

school, just to get my perspective set in the right place. I'm planning

to read "Spiritual Depression" by David Martin Lloyd-Jones and

"Radical Womanhood" by Carolyn McCulley. I'm pretty darn excited

about it all. Although, I have been neglecting my self-study of French.

I'm trying to re-orient myself with the language to give myself an edge

in class this quarter. Isn't that horribly nerdy? (sigh)

So, we'll see what all is going to happen. I have 19 days. Oh man.

I'm getting excited but a little nervous at the same time.

That stuff is normal, right?

Imogen Heap

That's right. Imogen Heap. Coming to your ears in TWO days!

She drops her new album entitled "Ellipse" and I could not be

more thrilled! I'm including the video for one of her new songs,

"Canvas". Listen, rinse, repeat!

I'm Feeling Ambitious

Hello everybody.

I'm feeling ambitious and a bit lazy. Two paradoxical ideas, if I do say so myself. However, I've decided to embark on a reading project of epic proportions. As many of you know, I'm an english major at UCLA. Since this, "English" - as vague as that is, is my chosen profession, I thought that I should begin on something like a literary quest. I want to read through the BBC's top 100 books of all time. I have no idea how long this will take me.

Considering that one of my life goals is to be well read, this list will certainly allow me to carry on my way. I've already read a few books on the list, so I'm not sure if I'll re-read them later or just omit them for time's sake. However, I'm very excited about this endeavor. I'll post the full and complete 100 books below, just to give you guys an estimate of the sheer scale of my madness. I'm not sure how to go about reading the "Complete Works of Shakespeare" or "Lord of the Rings". These are series, multitudes of plays, etc. So I'll try to figure out how to divide it all up. Wish me luck!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackery
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

A Happy Confession of Having No Merit

Written by John Piper
I was born into a believing family through no merit of my own at all.
I was given a mind to think and a heart to feel through no merit of my own at all.
I was brought into the hearing of the gospel through no merit of my own at all.
My rebellion was subdued, my hardness removed, my blindness overcome, and my deadness awakened through no merit of my own at all.
Thus I became a believer in Christ through no merit of my own at all.
And so I am an heir of God with Christ through no merit of my own at all.
Now when I put forward effort to please the Lord who bought me, this is to me no merit at all, because

...it is not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians 15:10)
...God is working in me that which is pleasing in his sight. (Hebrews 13:21)
...he fulfills every resolve for good by his power. (2 Thessalonians 1:11)

And therefore there is no ground for boasting in myself, but only in God’s mighty grace.

Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:31)

35 Reasons Not To Sin

1. Because a little sin leads to more sin.
2. Because my sin invites the discipline of God.
3. Because the time spent in sin is forever wasted.
4. Because my sin never pleases but always grieves God who loves me.
5. Because my sin places a greater burden on my spiritual leaders.
6. Because in time my sin always brings heaviness to my heart.
7. Because I am doing what I do not have to do.
8. Because my sin always makes me less than what I could be.
9. Because others, including my family, suffer consequences due to my sin.
10. Because my sin saddens the godly.
11. Because my sin makes the enemies of God rejoice.
12. Because sin deceives me into believing I have gained when in reality I have lost.
13. Because sin may keep me from qualifying for spiritual leadership.
14. Because the supposed benefits of my sin will never outweigh the consequences of disobedience.
15. Because repenting of my sin is such a painful process, yet I must repent.
16. Because sin is a very brief pleasure for an eternal loss.
17. Because my sin may influence others to sin.
18. Because my sin may keep others from knowing Christ.
19. Because sin makes light of the cross, upon which Christ died for the very purpose of taking away my sin.
20. Because it is impossible to sin and follow the Spirit at the same time.
21. Because God chooses not to respect the prayers of those who cherish their sin.
22. Because sin steals my reputation and robs me of my testimony.
23. Because others once more earnest than I have been destroyed by just such sins.
24. Because the inhabitants of heaven and hell would all testify to the foolishness of this sin.
25. Because sin and guilt may harm both mind and body.
26. Because sins mixed with service make the things of God tasteless.
27. Because suffering for sin has no joy or reward, though suffering for righteousness has both.
28. Because my sin is adultery with the world.
29. Because, though forgiven, I will review this very sin at the Judgment Seat where loss and gain of eternal rewards are applied.
30. Because I can never really know ahead of time just how severe the discipline for my sin might be.
31. Because my sin may be an indication of a lost condition.
32. Because to sin is not to love Christ.
33. Because my unwillingness to reject this sin now grants it an authority over me greater than I wish to believe.
34. Because sin glorifies God only in His judgment of it and His turning of it to good use, never because it is worth anything on it’s own.
35. Because I promised God he would be Lord of my life.

(Sorry, I can't take credit for this. I acquired this via a friend's Facebook. Enjoy and be convicted!)

Much Needed

Woah.

I have just come to the realization that it has been WAY too long since I have blogged at all! Since I left you last, life has been pretty good. I finished all of my finals, moved to Westwood, came back to PA to visit family, flew back to LA to shoot a wedding, met baby Asher, came back to PA a second time, and had a whirlwind tour of NYC. Suffice it to say, I'm breathless.

All in all, life is pretty good. It has its ups and downs, certainly. But God is good and sustains me. I guess one of the reasons that I'm blogging is because my 22nd birthday is in two short days. For some reason, turning one year older causes me so much introspection. It's not all bad thought, just churning over the last year of my life. In some ways, I make more resolutions on my actual birthday than at New Years. So, in the spirit of the "holiday", I want to list off a few of my birthday resolutions and aspirations. Here's ten of them.

1. Be more consistent in my times of prayer.

2. Treat the Bible and my time in it with increased reverence.

3. Read a book, any book, (for fun) at least once a month.

4. Deepen meaningful friendships with those who are close to me.

5. Go to bed/wake up at a reasonable and, hopefully early, hour.

6. Go rock climbing, indoor or outdoor, on a more regular basis.

7. Devote a decent chunk of my time to learning French.

8. Serve USC GOC with ever-increasing fervor.

9. Journal and blog with regularity.

10. Learn how to guard my heart even more.

Temporary Hiatus

Hey guys. 

This is just a post to inform you all that I'll be taking a wee bit of a blog/facebook/twitter hiatus until June 15th. 

Why? Well, I have finals. June 15 is my last one. This is my last-two-weeks-of-semester ritual. I have a friend change the password to my most accessed personal websites in order that I focus and study for all my tests. It is super effective and a really really good idea for someone who is as social and extroverted as I am. 

That being said, if you need to contact me or want to send me love - 

call me or email me. 

jessicahaldeman@gmail.com

See you on the other side! 

An Explanation

So I feel that I owe all of you bloggers out there an explanation for my latest hiatus. The past weekend, I was working like a crazy lady, doing the flowers for my friend Jeanette's wedding. It was SUCH a great day and she looked BEAUTIFUL. Wonderful. Just wonderful. Well, during the week - I decided to puke up buckets and buckets. We don't know what it is, but food poisoning seems to be the running contender. Never fear, I am recovered. Ick. 

Anyway, I thought I'd just take this opportunity to ramble a little bit. I've been thinking a lot lately about the transience and transparency of life. If you think about it, we're never really conscious. And by conscious, I mean actualized. Think about when you were in middle school or some awkward place in your past. You were "fully engaged". You were "present". You were "with it". Now, where are you? Are you fully engaged with your younger self? Of course not. Perhaps being actualized never really happens because we are constantly subject to the whims of time. We never really have time to be realized. Life is so transient. It moves, It never stops. I, You, We are always in some sort of flux. There really is no stability here in Earth, if that makes any sense. In the words of the poet Robert Frost, "Nothing gold can stay". 

So naturally, I've been trying to apply this concept to my life now. And everybody knows that hindsight is 20/20 vision. But is it really? There are plenty of things in my past that I look back on but some situations and emotions still don't make much sense to me. But maybe I just need more life experience before I can look back and actually make some sort of sense to it. I don't know. Sometimes, we attack problems that really are so much bigger than we are. I think that's my problem. I think that I am so much bigger than my body will allow. Honestly, I just forget who I really am and succumb to this ideal that i've created . (sigh) 

I've got to learn to stop doing that. 

Music Recommendation:

Slovo - "Whisper"

Confession

Okay, confession time. I have an intense love for Celine Dion that I cannot explain. I listened to her song on the radio yesterday and have had this craving to listen to her "Let's Talk About Love" album. So today, I definitely indulged. There's nothing like a good rousing chorus of "Love is on the Way" to lift the spirits during a dull and dreary day. Anyway, I thought I'd put a little video in here so that you can enjoy... 

Weekend Events

So... this week/end has been quite eventful. 

Thursday - Saw Angels & Demons. Entertaining but not quite the blockbuster that I was expecting. Gotta love Catholic intrigue. 

Friday - Picked my brother up at the train station. Went to GOC for summer session. It was full of laughs and warm, loving fellowship.

Saturday - Met my new roomie, Grace. Saw my apartment for next year. (Way bigger than I thought!) Took John around UCLA campus. Went to CityWalk. Watched a cheesy movie. 

(Gasps for breath)

Yeah, this weekend has been action packed. 

This next week/weekend are going to be even more insane. So stay tuned for what I hope are interesting posts! I just need to make it through this week!! 

Quasi-famous (for a day)

I honestly have to say that today was one of the most fun days this semester. I was apart of the Ellen Degeneres show as an audience member. I went with my lovely friends MG, Mengning, and Jeanette. (Thanks for inviting me, Jeanette!) It was super fun and energetic, they kept the audience dancing and laughing the entire time. But I have to say, the highlight of the show was the performance of Kelly Clarkson! She sang two songs: "Since You've Been Gone" and "I Do Not Hook Up". Honestly, she is great live. As a bonus, the audience got a free copy of her new CD that she is/was promoting. Score. Another highlight: Ellen waved at me. Yes, I'll say it again. She waved at me in response to my overexcited arm movements during a lull in the show. It was fantastic. I would have taken pictures, but cameras of any kind were strictly forbidden. Since I wanted to avoid a lawsuit or a smack-down from a 250 lb security guard, I kept my shutter-bugging tendencies under wraps. But the point is that I had a great time and danced a TON. Now, I'm off to reality and back to school work. (sigh.)

Joanna Newsom

Joanna Newsom is not a musician for the faint of heart. Her voice is... well... special. Oddly enough, she's one of my favorite artists because I just love how quirky and weird her music can be. I also love the fact that she is a classically trained harpist that decided to break all the rules. I decided to post a video because I just think that people should appreciate music that isn't on the hot 100 list. You can only listen  to so many Lady Gaga songs before your ears begin to bleed. Anyway, I really hope that you like her and that you can appreciate the fact that she's not a product of the pop culture machine.

Inroduction

Well, I don't really know why I decided to post a public blog. I have a private one - that only a few people read and that isn't updated with any specific frequency. So in the interest of self promotion (?) and general blog-ness, I decided to create one that all the world can see. As far as a goal of this website, I don't really have one. I figure that I can just update whatever I want whenever I want. 

In my life right now, I'm being taught so many painful lessons about the sovereignty and faithfulness of the Lord. I wish that it was easier to trust Him. Currently, He is leading me thorough some very emotional challenges that make me feel so weary! But if God is who He claims to be, and I know that He is, I have full confidence in his  ability to draw me through this and to mold me. I love basking in the knowledge that my Savior is a good God and a loving father. But honestly, it saddens me to realize that I don't trust this perfect Father or submit to his plans easily. I always learn things the hard way, so it seems. I read the book "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges last semester and was really challenged at how much I lack basic trust. I was actually considering re-reading it after my semester is over. It's one of those things that I always seem to come back to. I'm just sooo thankful that the Lord is who he claims to be, and that he imparts mercy to my wicked and oblivious heart. 

Well, that seems to be enough for an introduction. Keep your eyes peeled for a new post sometime in the near future! 

Music Recommendation:

"How Will He Find Me" - Deb Talan